A four letter word!

We have been having a lot of fun posts the last couple of months so much fun I have hardly spent any time with you "being real", not ever faking who I am, is my desire is in this blog  - to keep it real. But I truly have been enjoying the fun moments and sharing my hopes for the future and then this week all of the sudden I have been hit, almost felt blindsided, by my own selfish heart.

Envy... a four letter word figuratively and literally ...


Here is my confession I am struggling with envy.  So I looked up the exact definition: "a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc." and yep, sure enough.  It the ugliness of envy rearing it's ugly head straight out of my heart and into plain sight.   Yikes, that sure is embarrassing.

It's hard when you are envious, especially when you are super blessed.  People don't understand how you can be so discontent when all the things you covet can be rationally organized and placed on a timeline of achievement.  Not everyone can say that about what they long for but in my current state of envy most of my longings will hopefully and in theory be met in time.  So why is it so hard to be patient.  Why is it so straining on my heart to persevere in long-suffering? And why for goodness sake am I allowing my desires to cause me sin - to not rejoice well with others, to not love well, to be secretly embittered?

²² "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."  Galatians 5:22-26 NIV (emphasis added)

I was curious as to why the NIV used forbearance instead of patience like I had memorized years ago.  So once again I went to trusty dictionary.com for the definition and it stuck me quite interesting: "a refraining from the enforcement of something (as a debt,right, or obligation) that is due"
Now why in the world would that be the chosen word by the NIV?  Well in my case, I think I have a case of being American - and human - but I somehow think in my heart that I have a right to all the things I desire. A right.  I mean honestly...

There is a lot I could say about "rights", human dignity, the spiritual realm that is active around us, and what rights do we actually have apart from God, but I think I will just leave it to this verse:   

¹² "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God." John 1: 12-13 NIV1984 empahsis added

So ... I hope to reflect on this scripture

 ⁶ "But godliness with contentment is great gain. ⁷ For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ⁹ People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. ¹⁰ For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." 1 Timothy 6-10 NIV1984

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you oh God. 


As I mediate on this I think I will make my Ebeneezer "rock of remembrance".  I found these on Pinterest and I have a blank canvas that I think will be perfect.

Not so sure about the pear but I like the simplicity.

I really like the idea of found letters... I may put my old magazines to good use! (this image found on etsy)