Wednesday, May 6, 2015

BIG NEWS! All Glory to God

It has been since October that I last wrote a blog post. Today I realized (thanks Timehop that 4 years ago today I started this blog and posted my first post) and today may be the BEST post YET.

It is amazing to me how time can fly by and also seem excruciating long at the same time.  I have found that the more overwhelmed by God my life seems to be the quieter I tend to be.  Maybe it's because I am more in tune with just how tiny my thoughts are or maybe it's a fear of not adequately expressing the amazing work I am beholding from the Lord.  But it seems to me that this is hardly the time to be quite.  It's the time to yell from the roof tops!

We added JOY to our Christmas decor this year and I love how fitting it is.

Just as a matter of a tiny praise that blessed my heart was that Phil was home this past year on every holiday; Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve and Day and New Years Eve (even most recently Easter). This hasn't happened in our home since the first year we were married maybe I'm not even sure about that.  It was AMAZING and a gift that I do not want to overlook in my Praise proclamations!

In February I again volunteered and attended at the Hope Mommies Annual Retreat.  This year was the largest attendance for the retreat we have ever had and I was again simply astonished at just how precious this weekend is.  The Lord works abundantly in hearts in just a matter of 48 hours.  Each year my "favorite part" or rather the thing that blesses  me the most at the retreat is seeing women arrive Friday fearful; ready to jump back in there car and leave immediately, on edge, arms folded and eyes hooded with a wall of protection and truthfully angry they are even at this retreat weekend to Sunday morning when true fellowship between ladies is happening with honest conversations, broken hearts simply open and worshiping the Lord in song in prayer in tears but with a new or perhaps renewed Hope. This is not something we as humans as a leadership team can orchestrate; we cannot force this and yet the Lord works so mightily to bind, heal, shield, cradle each precious woman that so bravely shows up on Friday night.

This was my forth retreat to be at but it was my first retreat to participate as a Hope Mom.  Normally at the retreats I have been simply a behind the scenes gal but in now being a Hope Mom after my miscarriage in May I had the added responsibilities or facilitating groups, discussions and telling my story.  I felt so inadequate.  selah.

I think the feeling of inadequacy was a blessing.  I learned just how God can use me when I am most vulnerable and most weak.

I left the retreat exhausted, feeling more tired than I have ever been but encouraged to trust in the Lord for He is always good.

This is a song that my heart
has cried out to so many times.
One thing I have learned in my three year journey in trying to conceive is that waiting is hard.  I have had sweet friends who have been so sensitive in sharing their own pregnancy news with me knowing that it will be hard on me.  I believe they also knew I would be happy for them in their blessing but that I would grieve too in my own waiting and my own disappointments of not conceiving; my own hopes and dreams not coming to fruition in my planning and timing. I have found myself overwhelmed by pictures of babies and children on Facebook to the point of having to leave because I feel so crushed in not being able to post my own pictures.  I have wanted to criticize my beautiful friends that are tired Mommies as they share their daily battles for me to read on social media. I have struggled with hating my body and not understanding why it didn't seem to be "working right". My soul so many times has indeed been downcast. But the Lord so often has gently reminded me that I am created by Him.  My body is not a mystery to Him.  My hearts longing is not lost to Him.  He loves me and though He has not promised me a baby He has promised me himself and in this world we will have waiting, long-suffering, longing, pain, disappointment but there is a Hope of a great future.


I tell you all that because with great joy I also want to share with you all the biggest praise of all from the past few months and that is that after returning home from the Hope Mommies retreat just a week later I found out I am expecting! I'm pregnant! The joy and the fear are overwhelming but God has blessed us with a MIRACLE and we loudly rejoice!!! We know that this tiny life is created by God, given to us by God. God has answered our prayers and the prayers of so many of our friends and family that have been praying for us in this journey.

We continue to covet your prayers for this little baby as it grows and develops.  We also ask that you please praise God with us for this miracle.  We got to hear the heartbeat and see it's sweet little legs kicking around and it was almost too much for me to process.  I felt totally at a loss for words or complete thoughts. But as my good friend reminded me that while it is too hard for me to simply rest easy I can choose joy and not fear.

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4

Here's a beginning bump pic.  :)

Here what the dogs have to say:

1 comment:

  1. That is amazing! I just found your blog. I just started PA school and it's ripping my marriage apart. Your story has been a blessing, and has touched my heart. I hope everything is going great with the baby. Please post updates and don't stop blogging.