Today I felt sucker punched as an expectation I wasn't even aware mattered to me was revealed and my emotional response shocked me; honestly, I was bemused by my own response of tears. Disappointment and frustration are always triggers for my tears but when I didn't even know I had an expectation it is somewhat hard to comprehend the emotional response of tears.
So as I contemplated my heart break I realized that regardless of my disappointment it is healthy and appropriate to grieve the loss of it. Too often I think I should discard my feelings (not respond like a girl) and put aside my disappointment and frustration without processing it. I guess that's "bottling" which I kind of a pro at but this time I want to reflect, I want to grieve, and I want to give that broken expectation to the Lord.... not blaming anyone, not feeling sorry for myself, and not feeling silly for grieving my unexpected broken expectation.
I'm sure I could find some scripture to add as supplemental reading but my heart keeps repeating one prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life and
supremely happy with Him forever in the next.